Preparing My Daughter to Take on the World

I sat down with my 13-year-old daughter the other day with the intent of revolutionizing her, or, at the very least, stoking embers of the fire which I hope will eventually energize her to take on the world.

We watched the documentary Miss Representation together. I've written about this film before and, even upon my second viewing, found that it remains a powerful indictment of the media of which I am a part. Miss Representation chronicles the long lasting impact of media sexism on our young women -- in coverage of women in politics, the denigration of women as sex objects, the sidelining of women's stories in news, sports and entertainment, and the media's emphasis on pleasing and catering to the male viewer/reader/consumer even though women watch more TV, go to more films and have control over 70+ percent of U.S. consumer spending.

The documentary presents statistic after wearying statistic which, when taken as a whole, paint a dire picture about the paucity of women in politics, the silence of women's voices in the halls of leadership (politics, business, media) and the lack of multi-faceted, intelligent, non-sex object protagonists in films and TV shows.

For every Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, Nancy Pelosi and Condoleezza Rice, there are thousands of media talking heads and bloggers who want to make hay by tearing them down based on how they look and what they wear. You need to search no further for a relevant example of this than to the current internet hubbub over the fact that our Secretary of State dared to go out in public wearing no makeup except for lipstick. I blogged about the insanity here.

For every popular portrayal of an authentic, flawed, realistic woman on the screen (The Good Wife, Grey's Anatomy, Nurse Jackie), the number of shallow depictions of women, particularly those which reduce women to body parts or as subservient to men, vastly outnumber the complex ones, by epic proportions.

But I didn't want watching this documentary to be a downer for my daughter. And it wasn't. It got her angry. It got her motivated to do something about this, to not fall prey to the messages with which she's bombarded about how she should look and dress, what she should want and how she should act.

She was already well on her way to speaking out against this. When assigned to write a persuasive essay recently, she chose to write about how women's sports should receive more attention and coverage in the media after pointing out to me that the women's collegiate basketball tournament games didn't receive a fraction of the coverage the men's hoop tournament received. (She's a hoopster and wanted to read about her role models, just like her brothers could.) Additionally, when she looked up scores and info in the newspapers, she found that the games for female college athletes were listed well inside the papers (if at all) and were designated as being part of the "women's" NCAA hoop tournament versus how the men's scores were presented, as part of the generic "NCAA basketball tournament," you know, the "regular" and only real tournament because it was the male one to which everyone is referring when they ask, "Did you fill out your brackets?" The tournament for women hoop players didn't get that kind of publicity. The women's tournament is an also-ran, insignificant by comparison, and wow, did that tick my daughter off.

We'd both rather see the likes of this -- an online profile of fantastic soccer superstar Abby Wambach who is smart, talented, hardworking and fearless -- than insulting attempts to try to yield web traffic with headlines like, "PHOTOS: Dakota's Very, Very Low-Rise Jeans" (about actress Dakota Fanning's pants) or "Inside Octomom's Adult Film Shoot," both stories which were found on a prominent mainstream news site today.

Image credits: Amazon and espnW. 

Strong = Beautiful

When The Girl saw this T-shirt while we were shopping, she insisted that she HAD to have it . . . in her favorite color red. Had. To.

You see, she's receiving contradictory messages about beauty and that there's more than one way to be attractive. She's not especially keen on the frilly and short skirts or the stomach revealing tops that fill stores shelves. She's much more into the sporty look, her long hair in a ponytail while she's clad in athletic wear, perfect for shooting hoops or kicking around a soccer ball.

So when I saw this shirt, which promotes the idea that athleticism and strength are beautiful, I couldn't not get it for her.

Gal power!

Image credit: Polyvore.

Once More with Feeling: Year-Round Sports Specialization Isn't Good for Kids

Opting not to allow the Picket Fence Post kids to specialize in one sport or play a single sport year-round hasn’t made me a lot of friends in youth sports.


Image credit: New York Times

Though we’ve been pressured from time to time to permit The Girl or The Eldest Boy to play indoor soccer in the winter – after having played soccer in the fall AND before playing soccer in the spring – I have politely declined, even when it’s been subtly suggested that by keeping them out of the indoor soccer racket (and by not additionally signing them up to also play on private club teams) might put them at a disadvantage when it comes time to place them on competitive teams. (Disclosure: The Eldest Boy did play indoor soccer one year but only because he wasn't playing spring soccer right afterward.)

The way I see it is this: I’m the one who's looking out for my children's health in the long-term, for their whole lives, not just for one season or one year. The youth sports organizations are not. (After The Girl’s lengthy bout with an ankle injury which required physical therapy and acupressure in order to overcome, I don’t want to risk her sustaining a repetitive injury on that ankle by playing one sport non-stop or consecutive seasons.)

I've been going by what I’ve read over the years from physicians who say that it’s not good for growing children to specialize in sports and play one sport without break, noting that even professional athletes get time off from their chosen sport. The recommendations have been for children to change it up and to play a variety of sports that use different muscles so that’s what we’ve tried to do with the Picket Fence Post kids, except when it comes to youth hockey because the season lasts for freakin’ ever, from August to April (which is one of my major problems with the league).

Then I read about a new study which found that children, who were thought to not be at risk for injury to their anterior cruciate ligament (the ACL, “the main ligament that stabilizes the knee joint” the New York Times helpfully explained), have been tearing their ACLs at alarmingly increasing rates. Why? Dr. J. Todd Lawrence, an orthopedic surgeon from Philadelphia’s Children’s Hospital who studied ACL tears, offered this explanation to the Times:

“I think it’s primarily because kids are out there trying to emulate professional athletes. You see these very young athletes playing sports at an extremely intense, competitive level. Kids didn’t play at that level 20 years ago. They didn’t play one sport year-round.”

Studying pre-adolescents who were treated at his hospital’s emergency room for ACL and meniscus tears, Lawrence found that “most of the ACL tears that were treated at Children’s Hospital and picked up by this study . . . also involved a simultaneous meniscus tear, an indication of just how much wrenching and grinding the knee had undergone. Injury patterns have changed . . . because childhood sports have changed.”

Why does it matter if children tear their ACLs? Because previous studies of athletes who have sustained this type of injury found that within 12-14 years of the injury “51 percent of the female players and 41 percent of the men had developed severe arthritis in the injured knee,” the Times reported. If a kid is 10 when this happens, the Times said that means half of the girls could have an arthritic knee by age 25.

Here’s what Lawrence recommended:

“Encourage kids to play multiple sports and not to do any one sport year-round, and especially not when they’re 5 or 6, or even 9 or 10. They’re kids. Let them play and have fun, like kids.”

In my house, he's preaching to the choir.

Image credit: Richard Patterson/New York Times.

We Heart Women's Soccer

The Picket Fence Post family celebrated The Girl’s birthday a tad early this past weekend by taking her and a couple friends to see the Boston Breakers, the Boston Women’s Professional Soccer team (which includes U.S. Women’s World Cup player Lauren Cheney) take on South Florida’s magicJack team whose roster includes my daughter’s sports hero, Abby Wambach also of the U.S. Women’s World Cup fame, along with her World Cup teammates Shannon Boxx, Christie Rampone and Megan Rapinoe. Sadly, star World Cup goaltender, Hope Solo wasn’t at Saturday night’s game.

And it was, pardon the pun, a magical night.

The Girl, her friends and her brothers were wowed by the athleticism on display on the field which they judged the action as much more exciting than watching the Boston area men’s professional soccer team, New England Revolution. There were women, men, girls and boys cheering on both teams, including one particularly besotted teen boy who was wearing a Hope Solo jersey, clearly disappointed that she wasn’t on hand and playing on Saturday.

After the game, in what’s called “Autograph Alley,” hordes of people surged forward against metal barriers to try to get players' autographs, as police were on hand to attempt to control this mob of fans of female soccer players. Wambach was the crowd favorite. She scored both the goals that night, including a stupendous one with her trademark header. All the people with whom I spoke in the crowd -- moms, dads and a police officer – were simultaneously surprised and thrilled to see such enthusiasm for female athletes at the top of their game. It made a powerful statement.

It made me so grateful that The Girl was able to witness this, this celebration of women athletes, a celebration so vigorous that Wambach required police accompaniment as she gamefully and patiently walked the line for what seemed like an eternity, signing soccer balls, posters, tickets, shirts and anything that was sticking out in her face. (For the record, one of The Girl’s uber-determined friends was not only able to secure Wambach’s signature on a Women's Professional Soccer league soccer ball for the birthday gal, but also got many other players’ Jane Hancocks as well. That ball is now The Girl’s most prized possession and is sitting in a place of honor in the middle of our mantle above the fireplace in our family room.)

Given the surge in passion and the wildly positive message the evening's events sent to the boys and girls in attendance – that women are just as tough competitors as their male counterparts – it was troubling to read this article in the New York Times saying that the Women’s Professional Soccer league, which has over 230,000 followers on Twitter, is in trouble.

“Attendance and television ratings have swelled in the three-year-old Women’s Professional Soccer league, but there is no guarantee that it will survive into Year 4,” the Times said. “Salaries, which average $25,000 but run as low as $200 a game for a few, according to the players, face further cuts. Front offices of the six teams are run by skeletal staffs.”

I, for one, who loudly griped about the paucity of U.S. Women’s World Cup gear in local sporting goods stores, really want this league, this exciting league populated by talented athletes, to continue and to thrive, if not for the likes of Wambach, than for the likes of The Girl, her brothers and for that kid in the Hope Solo shirt. Isn't it better to see people celebrating the likes of Wambach, Rapinoe and Solo rather than the vapid Snooki?

Shopping for Women's World Cup Gear: A Fruitless Enterprise, At Least Locally

Took The Girl out yesterday in search of some Team USA Women’s World Cup gear. Given that last month I went on a special shopping expedition to pick up some Bruins stuff for The Youngest Boy when the Bruins were vying for the Stanley Cup (I've done lots of "special" things in honor of big Patriots, Celtics and, of course, Red Sox games), I wanted to try to treat the U.S. Women’s World Cup final similarly, as no less important.

Unfortunately, after driving around to five different stores -- including four sporting goods stores -- we found nothing, nada, zippo related to the Women’s World Cup. There was a lit bit of U.S. Men’s World Cup merchandise for sale at one store, but nothing for the superior U.S. women’s team.

Our last resort was to go to a party store -- which had lots of Red Sox, Bruins, Patriots and Celtics stuff (even some stray Yankees stuff) -- and pick up some generic soccer merchandise (soccer ball plates, napkins & some soccer shaped chocolates) to enjoy while we watch the final game on Sunday afternoon with a couple of The Girl’s gal pals.

I tried to buck The Girl up and told her not to try not to read anything into the lack of availability of Team USA’s World Cup stuff in local stores, suggesting that we'll just go online. In the meantime, I think it’s insane that one sporting goods store would have, hanging among the posters of professional athletes, a giant image of Abby Wambach and nothing by way of merchandise representing the American team on which she plays.

In the meantime, I’m going to have to search online for Team USA soccer merchandise, even though many places are out of stock when it comes to the more affordable players' T-shirts. The VERY pricey jerseys are still for sale on many web sites though. (The Girl, whose birthday is coming up, will have to wait for her coveted Wambach jersey/birthday gift as there's no way it would get here in time for the game on Sunday.)

With the success of the women’s team and the popularity of soccer among girls in the area in which I live, I think my local retailers have blown a golden opportunity to capitalize on the excitement these role models bring. Maybe they'll wise up so that when I head back out to the stores next month to pick up gear for the new soccer season, I'll spy a Team USA shirt hanging on the racks. A gal can hope, can't she?

Image credit: ESPN Shop, Eurosport.

U.S. Women's World Cup Wows

Goosebumps.

Seriously.

Image credit: AP via The National

Between Nike's women-power ad and the unbelievable, come-from-behind win by the U.S. Women’s Soccer team to advance to the semi-finals of the World Cup, I am truly reveling in the awesome lessons that the team’s performance is providing all three of my kids, as well as the respect that my sons are rapidly gaining for the women’s game as they're now almost as into this World Cup contest as The Girl is. (She's even more thrilled because she met a couple of the players who've competed for the World Cup when she and her soccer team attended a Boston Breakers professional women's soccer game earlier this year, a wonderful experience for my gal.)


Image credit: Getty Images via The New York Times

This morning, the kids happily perused the newspapers sitting on the kitchen counter, amazed by the still photos which uniquely capture the amazing feats of Abby Wambach’s pivotal header goal as she leapt high into the air and Hope Solo’s game clinching save which makes her look like a superhero as she’s seen sailing over the grass to snag the ball.

During the quarterfinal game against Brazil, the TV commentators seemed to be dumping the dirt upon the grave of this 2011 U.S. World Cup bid at the end of the game after Brazil broke the tie. Yet the U.S. team came back, a player down -- as Brazil's players tried to kill time and fake injuries -- and proved, not just to us, but to all sports fans how the gender of the players on the field doesn’t matter because determination, spirit and tenacity are universal, and universally thrilling to behold.

UPDATE: Read my Pop Culture piece on the importance and meaning of watching and celebrating the Women's World Cup with The Girl here.

Image credits: Getty Images via the New York Times, the Associated Press via The National.